Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
did you just send me my own nude
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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