Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
