I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
