i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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