My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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