They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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