Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
