so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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