That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
