i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
