We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
