i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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