dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this will be a night to untag.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
