Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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