Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
