We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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