I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
