tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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