Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
