I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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