can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
