can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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