If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
