i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
