oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
