and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They took my balls.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
