I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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