I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
