had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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