you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
