dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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