I murdered the dance floor call the cops
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
