Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
