Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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