I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
