I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
