Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
