all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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