i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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