And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
