I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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