Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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