I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
