I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
