i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just cropdusted the office
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
