YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
