guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found a bag of teeth...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
