Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
