allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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