Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
