He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she peed on how many people?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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